Addictions

     There are plenty of things to get addicted to in this life: substances, habits, places, people.  One can get addicted to pretty much anything.  And with every addiction comes the withdrawals.  Different effects come with each type of withdrawal, and symptoms can differ with the person.
     My symptoms are both emotional and physical.  There is nothing but time that I can take to ease my sufferings.  If I wanted to drug myself I could--there are plenty enough pills for that.  But those are a weakness, and they only mask the pain anyway.
     So wrestle I shall with these withdrawals.  the tears that slip and burn with every closed eyelid.  The sobs that silently wrack my body, so that no one knows how shattered I am.  The longing and the pain that are so strong that I can't swallow, can't live with the sick feeling in my stomach, the hollow pit in my heart.
     I miss home--both of them.  I miss my family, my own bed, my pets, my stars.  And I miss the family I've made at school.  I miss laughing and joking with people who know the references.  I miss being totally nerdy.  I miss being completely me.
     I'm so alone here.  No one knows the references that are common to my tongue.  No one here shares my brand of nerdiness.  And there's no way to share that large part of who I am.  I talk a lot less here.  Not that I don't have words to say, but that I have no one to understand them.
     I think back to a time when I would have been fine with that.  A time when I could only be called an introvert.  But now I've changed, and the extrovert in me holds dominance.  I feel like I'm living a shadow life, one that grows brighter only with the times that I can talk to people from my real life. 
     And the longer I stay in this shadow life, the stronger the withdrawals get.  I could let myself get addicted to the people in this shadow life, but an addiction like that takes time to foster.  And this life is, after all, only a shadow.  It will fade away soon enough.
     In the end, I'm stuck with these withdrawals and the time it will take to heal them.  May the shadow life fade quickly.