Growing Pains

     I'm an adult now.  I don't always act like it, or feel like it, but the truth of is still there.  I'm also feeling it more than I used to.  I don't bounce back as easily after very little sleep, working out can leave me sore, and the worries of life can lay pretty heavily on me.  I'm also seeing a shift in my attitude.  I feel entitled to my own opinions now, and I feel the freedom to be more open about them and to be blunt.  I see and I feel how different I am from the freshman class, and I see how much I have changed since I was their age and younger.  I don't feel as carefree as I did then, either.  
     My height doesn't extend beyond 5'2", and I was 16 when the x-rays proved that it never would.  Physically, I'm done with growing pains.  But they still happen in other areas of my life.  Spiritually, I still go through growing pains and I always will.  I love seeing the result of those growing pains, but like the name implies, the experience isn't all rainbows and butterflies.  
     Today I got to go on a wonderful coffee date with my beautiful roommate.  It was such a good time, because we talked through a lot of hard things, and also through some silly things.  The hard things we talked about were growing pains, both ones that we had gone through and ones that others around us have gone through or are going through.  But the discussion left me thinking, and I realized that I'm going through a growing pain right now, even after just finishing with one.  This pain pertains to balance.
     As an upper-classman, more is expected of me: more reading, more papers, more answers, and more or deeper relationships.  I can't do it.  I want to, but I just can't.  I don't have the time nor the strength.  I love being a relational person, I love being with people and being the best friend to them I can possibly be.  But too much of that makes my schoolwork suffer, and that's never good.  At the same time, too much schoolwork makes my relationships suffer, and my spiritual rejuvenation as well.  Being around people that I care about re-energizes me, and I feel stifled otherwise.  So the hard part is finding a balance between school and friends that lets me do well in all areas.  
     This is bigger than me though, and God, I need you.  There is no way I am getting through this semester on my own.  I pray, Father, that you would give me the ability to make the most of my friendships, and I pray that you would help me to keep up with my studies.  This struggle is really weighing me down, and I am in need of you and your strength.  Father, to you I commit this struggle.  Fill me with your peace, knowing that you have my life held in your hand, and that there is no where I can fall that you will not be there to catch me.  Amen.

P. S. -- This is my theme song for this semester: