This year, I have been blessed with the awesome opportunity to come to Grace University, and I must say that it has and continues to answer a prayer sung from my heart. I may not have ever spoken my prayer, to myself or anyone else, but in my heart, I knew that I needed to change. Coming to college, then, has been that answer to prayer. Being at Grace is definitely changing me from the inside out, and definitely for the better.
At home and in high school, my spiritual growth was so severely stunted that I don't think I ever really grew much at all. I felt rather stifled in that environment, and knew I wanted more. But I wasn't sure how. What I needed was a good support system, and in my town, there wasn't really one that I could have used. In my church, I'm the only one of my age, I'm the only college student. So my choices for a support group for my spiritual growth would have been younger high-schoolers, who are all a couple of years behind me in age, or some of the young adults in my church, who are married and some have kids. So home life would do absolutely nothing for jump starting my spiritual growth again. But I also needed a new environment, where I could tear free of that life, and embrace a new one.
College life has made my walk and passion for Christ grow in leaps and bounds. I have so much support from friends here, and I thank God so much for this blessing He has given me. It has truly become one of my favorite places. I shudder to think how stagnant and shallow my relationship with God had been before moving to college. I love how that relationship is now deeper, and can only grow deeper still from here on out. At the time of high school, I never really thought about how much my faith was struggling, but now that I have changed and am changing, I see how deep my struggle really was.
But there is still nothing perfect. I am fearful for when I go back home. I'll be away from my loving and supporting group of Christian friends, and be surrounded by the old comforts and habits and friends of home. Just being away from college a month for Christmas break has shown me that I am still not free from the clutches of my old stagnant self. I am fearful for what a summer will do to me. I don't want to go back to how I was. I want the change that has happened in me. I pray that God will help keep me strong and growing, and that I will still have plenty of contact with my awesome friends that I have made.
I can't possibly imagine going to college anywhere but Grace University. I hope that that doesn't ever change. I know I need what Grace has to offer me. I still feel like I need this answer to my prayer for change. I also want to pray for encouragement and patience. I sometimes have a big struggle to entrust all things to God. I feel like I try and take too much control for my life, even though I know its not the best choice for me. But as they say, "old habits die hard." There is so much truth in that.
Almighty God, I thank you for the wonderful place and people you have put in my path that help me to grow in you and in our relationship. I am so amazed at what you do. But I pray that you would continue to help me. I need to let go of control, and let go of worries. I know you will always provide for me what I need, even when I don't feel your hand working directly. Please help me to remain and grow stronger in you wherever life takes me, and especially help me when I return home. I ask for focus, Lord, and for your guidance in all I do. Help me to seek your face more and more actively, help me to have a radical passion. Amen.
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