Faith

     It seems like every child is told at one point by an adult "enjoy being a kid while you can, because it won't last forever."  And why is that?  Simple.  Because it's scary to grow older.  Black and white gives way to growing areas of gray.  While getting older, we gradually see ourselves as the ones who have to forge the path through all the entanglement that blinds us to what's ahead.  We miss the days when the responsibility was not on us, and we could simply follow in the path already forged.  But our day came when we had to pick up the lead, and forge the path that will be followed.  Our task is never easy, there are many tangible things that block our path, and we feel that we have no one to lean on anymore, that it's all on us and we just take it by faith that there will be a destination.  But as blind as we feel we are, we do have a map.  The map acts as our guide, telling us the right way to get through it all.  But the map doesn't tell us every little detail like we would want it to.  It shows the big picture, and leaves the little details to surprise us.  But we were also given all the right tools before we started on the path to overcome any and all obstacles that we face, so that even when we feel like we shall fail, we can know that we can succeed, as long as we keep trying.

     Our spiritual journey is like that too.  We are first taught by others, and so we follow down that path.  But as we mature in our faith, we must learn to take the lead in what we believe.  It can be pretty scary, because there are so many tangible obstacles that we see.  But we have to trust in our map, the Bible, and our gifts God gave us, to get us through life so that we may live and reign forever with Him.  That is the big picture, which our map spells out for us.  The only question, then, is how we are going to let the little details affect us?  Are we going to let them be a cause for calling it quits?  Are we going to let those details consume us so that we think of nothing else?  Or shall we prove that the minor details don't have any real power and that faith will overcome them?

Liberation

     One thing that I have been thinking about lately, is freedom.  In America, we like to think we are free, but do our lives reflect that?  Is our ideal of freedom true liberation?  To voice my thoughts, I wrote a short piece:



Chains
     They say that ignorance is bliss, and knowledge is the key to freedom.  But how true is that?  How free are we?  In ignorance, we are chained by the restrictions that come with it, and a lack of creative means, with no hope of moving forward.  But in knowledge we are also chained by the obligations and responsibilities that present themselves alongside our knowledge.  Can we really be free?  What is the balance of liberation?  To stay in ignorance is to deny oneself a meaningful life, but to forever be in pursuit of knowledge denies the chance of finding any meaning in life.  The only liberation, then, is to admit that one shall never know all that there is in life.  But does that signify defeat, and thus ignorance?  No.  The balance is found in a book.  A book that lays out what things can be learned, and what things will never be understood.  A book where life’s meaning is found on every page, every paragraph, every line, sentence and word.  A book written over the course of 2,000 years by 40 men, where every word was inspired by God.  Be free of the chains; liberation is never far away.


     As if in answer of my thoughts, God brought back to my mind something a professor had told me.  He had said that until God's work is finished in my life, nothing will be able to kill me.  God has a purpose for my life, just like he has a purpose for everyone.  So, until my purpose has been completed, I need have no fear of death.  Death cannot have victory, nor shall it- for God has defeated death already.  This thought is also very freeing, because it helps to remind me that I don't need to worry- God is in control of my life.  
     Another encouragement is the song "Counting on God" because the lyrics simply echo my thoughts and what God has been telling me.

Life Line

     Childhood dreams... some seem so far fetched, others seem impossible, and some come true.  When I started playing guitar at the end of eighth grade, my dream was to be in a band.  I thought, however, that it was going to be a completely unobtainable goal for me because of how small my hometown is.  And I was partially right: until I started going to college, I was never in a band.

     But not anymore.  Since starting my freshman year of college, I have started my own band (called Life Line)  with two of my best friends, and I even wrote our first song.  (Also a small miracle, in and of itself.)  The song, called "Trusting," is based on Jeremiah 29:11-13, which says "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and you will find me, when you seek me with all your heart.'" 

     God really laid those verses on my heart, and since then, "Trusting" has become my prayer.  I pray that I will live a trusting life, entrusting my everything to God.  There are so many things in my life that I don't give over to Him: things that I think are small enough that I can handle them, but I still need to let God handle them.  If I think I can handle something, how much better can God handle it?  So my prayer is that I will learn to entrust the little things of life to God, not just the big things.  And also the medium-sized things as well. :)

     Life Line performed "Trusting" at a talent show that my university put on.  Some around campus had heard the song already, but for the most part, the talent show was Life Line's debut.  My hope is that more songs will follow this one.

The Power of Prayer

God is amazing.
     For a while now, I've been tutoring kids after school.  Well, it hasn't always been the most fruitful event, because the kids come to me on a volunteer basis: if they come in, then I can help them.  But most of the time, I spend my afternoon doing my own homework in the absence of kids.
     A couple weeks ago, I decided to pray that God would bring in kids for me to help.  That day was the busiest of all my days I had tutored.  I had so many kids, that it was hard for me to help all of them, and to help them to the best of my abilities.  I really felt more like a teacher instructing in a one-room school than a tutor.
But this just helped prove once again how powerful God is, and how powerful prayer is.  I'm also sure that it won't be the last time that God shows me his awesome might.  :)

Answers

It is sometimes amazing to me to see how God will answer prayers.  When my great uncle was in his last days of life, he had been having some pain in his neck, as a side effect to the medicine he was on.  I went to see him, and prayed that his pain would be taken away from him.  The next day, I learned that God had indeed answered that prayer: my great uncle is now in heaven, where no pain shall ever reach him again.  I have also been struggling lately with a couple of relationships, ones that I don't want to get into.  I had been struggling especially with how to converse with these two guys that I'm not interested in, and this worry had been a big distraction for me.  I put up my burden to Christ, however, and now it seems that the answer to that prayer is silence.  The distracting clamor that those guys added to my life has now faded as conversation between us has grown less and less.  My mind is now a bit clearer, now that one distraction has been taken from me.  Thank you, my Lord Jesus.  For all that you do for me, whether I see it or not, I am so thankful for your blessings.  I also thank you for revealing to me how you have worked in my life.

Clarity

     I feel like screaming from this lack of clarity, but am stifled by the mud around me.  Shadows of uncertainty spring up on all sides, clouding my vision, turning my mind to cotton.  My thoughts turn to any shred of distraction, begging for a moment of peace.  But those scraps are fleeting, the peace like sand grasped then falling from my clenched hand.  What a way to live.  This is the result of my control; how pitiful my actions, how nonexistent the benefits of such control.  I cannot go on like this, life cannot be lived in a haze.
      Father God, help me to let go of my worries and my attempt at control.  I am inadequate in far lesser concerns, let alone these matters.  Give me focus, Lord, and keep my mind sharp.  I pray also for your lasting peace.  I know how much I need you, God, and yet so many times I try to prove that truth wrong.  Forgive me Lord, and fill me with a strength of will so that I may overcome my struggles.

A favorite place...

     This year, I have been blessed with the awesome opportunity to come to Grace University, and I must say that it has and continues to answer a prayer sung from my heart.  I may not have ever spoken my prayer, to myself or anyone else, but in my heart, I knew that I needed to change.  Coming to college, then, has been that answer to prayer.  Being at Grace is definitely changing me from the inside out, and definitely for the better.
     At home and in high school, my spiritual growth was so severely stunted that I don't think I ever really grew much at all.  I felt rather stifled in that environment, and knew I wanted more.  But I wasn't sure how.  What I needed was a good support system, and in my town, there wasn't really one that I could have used.  In my church, I'm the only one of my age, I'm the only college student.  So my choices for a support group for my spiritual growth would have been younger high-schoolers, who are all a couple of years behind me in age, or some of the young adults in my church, who are married and some have kids.  So home life would do absolutely nothing for jump starting my spiritual growth again.  But I also needed a new environment, where I could tear free of that life, and embrace a new one.
     College life has made my walk and passion for Christ grow in leaps and bounds.  I have so much support from friends here, and I thank God so much for this blessing He has given me.  It has truly become one of my favorite places.  I shudder to think how stagnant and shallow my relationship with God had been before moving to college.  I love how that relationship is now deeper, and can only grow deeper still from here on out.  At the time of high school, I never really thought about how much my faith was struggling, but now that I have changed and am changing, I see how deep my struggle really was.
     But there is still nothing perfect.  I am fearful for when I go back home.  I'll be away from my loving and supporting group of Christian friends, and be surrounded by the old comforts and habits and friends of home. Just being away from college a month for Christmas break has shown me that I am still not free from the clutches of my old stagnant self.  I am fearful for what a summer will do to me.  I don't want to go back to how I was.  I want the change that has happened in me.  I pray that God will help keep me strong and growing, and that I will still have plenty of contact with my awesome friends that I have made.
     I can't possibly imagine going to college anywhere but Grace University.  I hope that that doesn't ever change.  I know I need what Grace has to offer me.  I still feel like I need this answer to my prayer for change.  I also want to pray for encouragement and patience.  I sometimes have a big struggle to entrust all things to God.  I feel like I try and take too much control for my life, even though I know its not the best choice for me.  But as they say, "old habits die hard."  There is so much truth in that.
     Almighty God, I thank you for the wonderful place and people you have put in my path that help me to grow in you and in our relationship.  I am so amazed at what you do.  But I pray that you would continue to help me.  I need to let go of control, and let go of worries.  I know you will always provide for me what I need, even when I don't feel your hand working directly.  Please help me to remain and grow stronger in you wherever life takes me, and especially help me when I return home.  I ask for focus, Lord, and for your guidance in all I do.  Help me to seek your face more and more actively, help me to have a radical passion.  Amen.