Life Line

     Childhood dreams... some seem so far fetched, others seem impossible, and some come true.  When I started playing guitar at the end of eighth grade, my dream was to be in a band.  I thought, however, that it was going to be a completely unobtainable goal for me because of how small my hometown is.  And I was partially right: until I started going to college, I was never in a band.

     But not anymore.  Since starting my freshman year of college, I have started my own band (called Life Line)  with two of my best friends, and I even wrote our first song.  (Also a small miracle, in and of itself.)  The song, called "Trusting," is based on Jeremiah 29:11-13, which says "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and you will find me, when you seek me with all your heart.'" 

     God really laid those verses on my heart, and since then, "Trusting" has become my prayer.  I pray that I will live a trusting life, entrusting my everything to God.  There are so many things in my life that I don't give over to Him: things that I think are small enough that I can handle them, but I still need to let God handle them.  If I think I can handle something, how much better can God handle it?  So my prayer is that I will learn to entrust the little things of life to God, not just the big things.  And also the medium-sized things as well. :)

     Life Line performed "Trusting" at a talent show that my university put on.  Some around campus had heard the song already, but for the most part, the talent show was Life Line's debut.  My hope is that more songs will follow this one.

The Power of Prayer

God is amazing.
     For a while now, I've been tutoring kids after school.  Well, it hasn't always been the most fruitful event, because the kids come to me on a volunteer basis: if they come in, then I can help them.  But most of the time, I spend my afternoon doing my own homework in the absence of kids.
     A couple weeks ago, I decided to pray that God would bring in kids for me to help.  That day was the busiest of all my days I had tutored.  I had so many kids, that it was hard for me to help all of them, and to help them to the best of my abilities.  I really felt more like a teacher instructing in a one-room school than a tutor.
But this just helped prove once again how powerful God is, and how powerful prayer is.  I'm also sure that it won't be the last time that God shows me his awesome might.  :)

Answers

It is sometimes amazing to me to see how God will answer prayers.  When my great uncle was in his last days of life, he had been having some pain in his neck, as a side effect to the medicine he was on.  I went to see him, and prayed that his pain would be taken away from him.  The next day, I learned that God had indeed answered that prayer: my great uncle is now in heaven, where no pain shall ever reach him again.  I have also been struggling lately with a couple of relationships, ones that I don't want to get into.  I had been struggling especially with how to converse with these two guys that I'm not interested in, and this worry had been a big distraction for me.  I put up my burden to Christ, however, and now it seems that the answer to that prayer is silence.  The distracting clamor that those guys added to my life has now faded as conversation between us has grown less and less.  My mind is now a bit clearer, now that one distraction has been taken from me.  Thank you, my Lord Jesus.  For all that you do for me, whether I see it or not, I am so thankful for your blessings.  I also thank you for revealing to me how you have worked in my life.

Clarity

     I feel like screaming from this lack of clarity, but am stifled by the mud around me.  Shadows of uncertainty spring up on all sides, clouding my vision, turning my mind to cotton.  My thoughts turn to any shred of distraction, begging for a moment of peace.  But those scraps are fleeting, the peace like sand grasped then falling from my clenched hand.  What a way to live.  This is the result of my control; how pitiful my actions, how nonexistent the benefits of such control.  I cannot go on like this, life cannot be lived in a haze.
      Father God, help me to let go of my worries and my attempt at control.  I am inadequate in far lesser concerns, let alone these matters.  Give me focus, Lord, and keep my mind sharp.  I pray also for your lasting peace.  I know how much I need you, God, and yet so many times I try to prove that truth wrong.  Forgive me Lord, and fill me with a strength of will so that I may overcome my struggles.

A favorite place...

     This year, I have been blessed with the awesome opportunity to come to Grace University, and I must say that it has and continues to answer a prayer sung from my heart.  I may not have ever spoken my prayer, to myself or anyone else, but in my heart, I knew that I needed to change.  Coming to college, then, has been that answer to prayer.  Being at Grace is definitely changing me from the inside out, and definitely for the better.
     At home and in high school, my spiritual growth was so severely stunted that I don't think I ever really grew much at all.  I felt rather stifled in that environment, and knew I wanted more.  But I wasn't sure how.  What I needed was a good support system, and in my town, there wasn't really one that I could have used.  In my church, I'm the only one of my age, I'm the only college student.  So my choices for a support group for my spiritual growth would have been younger high-schoolers, who are all a couple of years behind me in age, or some of the young adults in my church, who are married and some have kids.  So home life would do absolutely nothing for jump starting my spiritual growth again.  But I also needed a new environment, where I could tear free of that life, and embrace a new one.
     College life has made my walk and passion for Christ grow in leaps and bounds.  I have so much support from friends here, and I thank God so much for this blessing He has given me.  It has truly become one of my favorite places.  I shudder to think how stagnant and shallow my relationship with God had been before moving to college.  I love how that relationship is now deeper, and can only grow deeper still from here on out.  At the time of high school, I never really thought about how much my faith was struggling, but now that I have changed and am changing, I see how deep my struggle really was.
     But there is still nothing perfect.  I am fearful for when I go back home.  I'll be away from my loving and supporting group of Christian friends, and be surrounded by the old comforts and habits and friends of home. Just being away from college a month for Christmas break has shown me that I am still not free from the clutches of my old stagnant self.  I am fearful for what a summer will do to me.  I don't want to go back to how I was.  I want the change that has happened in me.  I pray that God will help keep me strong and growing, and that I will still have plenty of contact with my awesome friends that I have made.
     I can't possibly imagine going to college anywhere but Grace University.  I hope that that doesn't ever change.  I know I need what Grace has to offer me.  I still feel like I need this answer to my prayer for change.  I also want to pray for encouragement and patience.  I sometimes have a big struggle to entrust all things to God.  I feel like I try and take too much control for my life, even though I know its not the best choice for me.  But as they say, "old habits die hard."  There is so much truth in that.
     Almighty God, I thank you for the wonderful place and people you have put in my path that help me to grow in you and in our relationship.  I am so amazed at what you do.  But I pray that you would continue to help me.  I need to let go of control, and let go of worries.  I know you will always provide for me what I need, even when I don't feel your hand working directly.  Please help me to remain and grow stronger in you wherever life takes me, and especially help me when I return home.  I ask for focus, Lord, and for your guidance in all I do.  Help me to seek your face more and more actively, help me to have a radical passion.  Amen.

I love the haunting power contained in this song.  I feel like it has a power to delve deep within the soul and pull to light the raw feelings that harbor inside.  With the verses falling against a sorrowful backdrop, the words seem to say that even in the midst of our grayest feelings, there is still hope.  That hope then blossoms to surround us and encase us in God's love and compassion, expressed in the chorus falling against a lightening tune.  Even in the midst of troubles, we can still find rest with our Lord and Savior.  I pray that I will always remember that in the depths of my grayest days, God will still be there for me to find rest, and that I will rest with Him, not only in my gray days, but in the days of glorious sunshine as well.

Fathomless

O Lord, I love how I can't even begin to fathom You.  Your depths will never cease to astound me, Your truths shall always take my breath away.  Lord, as I read Your word, I am amazed at how deep Your love is, and how truly wonderful You are, in everything.  No language can describe you, no song can every fully praise You for all that You are, all that You have been, and all that You forever will be.  The way You show Your hand in history and in my life is astonishing.  I feel like my heart could burst with all the love I have for You, Lord, and even that would not be enough to show the love and awe I feel.  My heart cries out to people who do not know Your love, o Lord.  How can they bear to live without Your joy?  How can they go through a life so superficial?  I love the meaning that You give to life, I adore the fact that there is no life outside or apart from You.  I am so glad that I have life, and I pray that I will use this life that You have given me, both physical and spiritual, I pray that my life may be used to glorify You to the best of my abilities.